... And There Was Much Rejoicing

After a six-month hiatus, Tony "I'm The Only Reason To Read The AJC" Barnhart's college football blog is back, featuring Barnhart's take on the toughest and easiest schedules in the SEC (and the ACC, but c'mon, who cares? Okay, I admit it--six weeks from the season kickoff, I care. A little, anyway).

Today's other reading assignment is this summary of Auburn's 2007 prospects from Steve Megargee at Rivals.com. It's an excellent rundown of the good (defense), bad (road schedule) and ugly (all-freshman kicking game) ahead of the Tigers this fall. I could probably come up with a quibble here or there if I really tried, but I'd have to work at it. Very solid and knowledgeable work by Megargee.

Full disclosure: I did some freelance work for Rivals from 2001-2003. I've never met Steve Megargee.

Cracking

Birmingham News staff writer Joe Solomon, in a column today:

Academic impropriety in athletics is hardly new. What's changed is that across the country - and lately at Hoover - high school teachers trying to teach prominent athletes, not enable them, are facing more pressure than ever before.
...

At some high schools, teachers - especially those without tenure - face mounting pressure to not just pass athletes, but give them high grades to offset a low test score.
...

College coaches can use charm to subtly apply pressure on teachers. What high school teacher or administrator doesn't feel a little flushed when a multi-millionaire coach shakes his or her hand?

There are some teachers and administrators who believe that a player will become a success in life only through athletics. It's this type of enabling that ensures the player will become a janitor in five years after he blows out a knee.

Who wants to be known as the person who prevented Joe Star from playing at State U? It's easier - check that, it's safer - to do what you're told and move on with your life.

It's not entirely clear what's been happening at Hoover.

Oh, I don't know about that. Reading between the lines, I'd say Solomon has a very good idea of what's been happening at Hoover, and of which college's coaches and boosters may have been applying pressure to get grades changed.

A math teacher said a final grade was changed for one of his students, a football player, without his consent so the player could be eligible in college. Another teacher went to the school system's assistant superintendent concerned she would lose her job - which she did - because she resisted pressure to boost another player's grade.

This is still the Bamaham--uh, I mean, Birmingham News, though, and I really don't expect that particular college to be named first in its pages, no matter how many stories about Hoover High make it to press. You have to tip your hat to the already-developing spin; I wonder whose bright idea it was to try and deflect the blame to the NCAA?

Speaking of spin and what information makes it to the public, there's also this out of Hoover today:

A retired federal judge investigating possible academic impropriety involving athletes at Hoover High said Monday he will report his findings to the Hoover Board of Education, which will then decide whether to make the findings public.

Sam C. Pointer Jr., who met Monday with Superintendent Andy Craig to discuss the investigation, said he cannot promise anonymity to sources he interviews.

"I don't know whether the board will say, `Let's let it all hang out,' or if the board will say, `Let's at least protect names of people,'" Pointer said.

A.W. Bolt, a member of the school board, said his understanding is Pointer will examine allegations of grade fixing or changing for athletes and efforts to pressure teachers. Bolt said he supports making the report public, but will initially treat it as a confidential attorney-client communication.

"I'll have to read it and see if there are things in it that I think should not or could not be made public," Bolt said. "My hope is this particular attorney-client communication will be made public."

Secret investigations? A board determining whether or not to release results to the public? Why, it's almost... machine-like, isn't it?

UPDATE: I completely missed Kevin Scarbinsky's Sunday column, which meant I also missed this reference to the Ghost of Violations Past:

[Hoover principal Richard] Bishop has been a high school football coach himself. He's been an assistant at Emma Sansom in Gadsden when Gene Jelks played there and a head coach at Gaston and Cherokee County.

The principal likes football so much that when Alabama's new head coach visited Hoover during the spring evaluation period, Bishop had a sign posted in the front office.

The sign said, "Welcome, Coach Saban."

Yeah, I'd say Scarbinsky knows the score, too.

Breaking

From today's Birmingham News, the real story that's been lurking behind the scenes for months finally sees the light of day:

A math teacher at Hoover said Thursday a final grade was changed for one of his students, a senior football player, without his consent. And an assistant superintendent for Hoover schools confirmed that a teacher came to her this year concerned about losing a job over another senior football player's grade.
...

A Hoover teacher in February met with Assistant Superintendent Jan Dennis and said she felt pressure over an athlete's grades and was concerned about losing her job, according to Dennis, who is on sick leave until the end of June after the school board fired her in May. Dennis has said the reason she was given for her firing was her friendship with former Superintendent Connie Williams.

The teacher told Dennis an athlete had been transferred into her class and it didn't appear he would make a grade needed to be eligible to play college football, according to Dennis. She would not identify the teacher but said she taught a core academic class. She would also not identify the student.

To be eligible for an athletic college scholarship, athletes must have a certain grade-point average in core classes - English, math, physical/natural science and social science - that corresponds to an SAT or ACT score on a sliding scale.

The teacher, who would have earned tenure if she were renewed this year, was not renewed by the school board, Dennis said.

The teacher said she understood the expectation was that the athlete had to make a B, but she thought that was unlikely even with the extra help she was giving him, Dennis said.

Dennis said the teacher told her she asked for an administrative meeting to talk about expectations and how the student was doing. At the meeting, an administrator said the student needed to make a B in her class, but no plan was offered for how to achieve that, Dennis said she was told.

"My advice to her at that point was, `Help him like you help all your other students. Keep documentation about what you're doing. Don't do anything unethical to compromise your professional judgment,'" Dennis said. "`But do everything you can to help him achieve the best grade he can achieve in your class.'"

According to Dennis, the teacher later told her that another of the player's instructors informed her in March that the new plan was for the student to get a C, but again without offering a means for that to happen.

"Instead of having to come to the board (central office) to talk with the assistant superintendent about this, ideally she would have been able to go to the principal of the school, but the teacher did not feel comfortable doing this," Dennis said.

The teacher believes she lost her job because she resisted the pressure to give a certain grade, according to Dennis.

Dennis said she is speaking publicly because she believes what happened is wrong, and described the teacher as an "excellent educator."

Bishop said the school system does not have to give a reason for not renewing a teacher who does not have tenure, and said "that's merely speculation on the employee who was not renewed."

Hoover superintendent Andy Craig has hired former federal judge Sam C. Pointer, Jr., an Alabama Law School alumnus, to investigate the matter. Based on information that hasn't gone public yet, there's at least one conflict of interest in Pointer's "independent" investigation, but we'll see where things go from here.

Developing

In today's Birmingham News:

Hoover High School's principal said Wednesday he investigated concerns from his athletics director that athletes were receiving preferential academic treatment, but said they were "unfounded" and based on rumor.

Athletics Director Jerry Browning, though, said his concerns came from several teachers and coaches who approached him this year questioning how some athletes acquired grades and whether they deserved what they were given.

Principal Richard Bishop said Browning raised issues to him about the college eligibility of athletes before meeting with Superintendent Andy Craig. Craig confirmed Tuesday he is investigating Browning's concerns but would not elaborate on the specifics.

The phrase "fox guarding the henhouse" springs to mind here. A suggestion for our friends in the press: have a look into the backgrounds and recent actions of the people involved here (and not just the ones mentioned in the News articles). You'll learn some interesting things. Continuing:

Donna Frazier, president of the Hoover school board, said she is concerned that Browning is leaving Hoover, a national powerhouse, for Saint James, a much smaller Class 4A school.

"If there's something that's going on, I do want to get to the bottom of it," said Frazier, adding she hopes to speak with Craig and Browning.

As noted previously, you will be hearing a lot more about this story in the future.

Something To Keep An Eye On

It might be a good idea to read and remember this story from Tuesday, June 19th's Birmingham News:

Jerry Browning resigned Monday as Hoover High School athletics director and accepted the same position at Saint James School in Montgomery.

Browning said he is leaving after three years because of "philosophical differences" with the current Hoover administration and the chance to spend more time with his family.

"There have been some changes this year that differ from my philosophical approach to education," said Browning, who declined to discuss specifics.

"My entire career, one thing that's very important to me is honesty, integrity, character development. Those are things that I cherish, and I think it's very important those things have to be maintained."

Attempts to reach Hoover Principal Richard Bishop for comment were unsuccessful.

First glance, this is a who-cares, especially if you don't live in Alabama... but a veritable flock of little birds are telling me that this won't be the last time you see the words "Hoover High," "athletics," "education" and "integrity" in the same newspaper article this summer.

Like I said, one to keep an eye on.

UPDATE: From Wednesday's News:

The superintendent for Hoover City Schools said Tuesday he is investigating concerns raised by Hoover High School's athletics director, who resigned Monday and took a job with a private school in Montgomery.

Superintendent Andy Craig said Jerry Browning, Hoover's athletics director for three years, came to him with concerns about the school's athletic programs before he resigned and took a job as athletics director at Saint James School.

Craig would not elaborate on the concerns, saying he did not want to speculate on anything that has not been confirmed.

"It's just too vague. There's nothing decisive," Craig said, adding that he is taking the concerns seriously.

When asked if the concerns related to the football program at Hoover, Craig paused and said: "It's not just football."

Not just football. Perhaps not just one recently-recruited football player, either.

Crossing The Line

A brief blurb from Sunday's Miami Herald is perking up ears in message board land this week.

Four months after his criticized departure from the Dolphins, Alabama coach Nick Saban received a celebrity-type reception at one school when he returned here for a recruiting trip last week. ''The faculty was excited,'' Fort Lauderdale Dillard coach Keith Franklin said. Security guards and administrators requested pictures with Saban, and he obliged. 'They said, `We love you here at Dillard,' '' Franklin said.

Kind of mildly interesting as a local-color piece, but it appears that the Herald missed the real story. The portion that's really getting attention follows (emphasis added):

Miami Northwestern defensive tackle Marcus Fortson and Hollywood Chaminade-Madonna linebacker Jordan Futch -- two of the top junior prospects in South Florida -- spoke with Saban and said he left a good impression. ''Good guy,'' Futch said.

Saban also approached Northwestern offensive lineman Brandon Washington, a UM oral commitment. 'He asked me if my heart was in Miami. I said, `No,' '' Washington said, adding there's a good chance he will sign with UM but wants to take other visits. Washington said the way Saban left the Dolphins ''bothered me'' and ''was on my mind,'' and he might not consider Alabama.

"Last week" would have been the week of May 14, which falls within the NCAA-mandated 2007 "Evaluation period" of April 15-May 31, when college coaches may evaluate potential recruits, but may not have actual contacct with those recruits. Based on this report, it appears that Alabama coach Nick "I am not going to be the Alabama coach" Saban" violated NCAA rules regarding contact with recruits on both occasions.

Evaluation - An evaluation is that period of time when it is permissible for authorized athletics department staff members to be involved in off-campus activities designed to assess the academic qualifications and playing ability of prospects. No in-person, off-campus recruiting contacts are made with prospects during an evaluation period.

Contact - A contact is any face-to-face encounter between a prospect or the prospect's parents or legal guardian and an institutional staff member or athletics representative during which any dialogue occurs in excess of an exchange of a greeting. Any such face-to-face encounter that is prearranged or that takes place on the grounds of the prospect's educational institution or at the site of organized competition or practice involving the prospect or the prospect's high school, preparatory school, two-year college or all-star team shall be considered a contact, regardless of the conversation that occ

At first glance, this looks like the kind of minor secondary violation that happens all the time, and frankly gives the NCAA's convoluted rulebook a bad name. Slap on the wrist and move on? Maybe... but maybe not. This note from Colorado's 2002 infractions case might indicate otherwise:

The report noted that the pattern of violations caused the case to rise to the "major" level. A significant number of the findings involved contact with prospects, or "bumping," during non-contact periods in the Spring when only evaluation is permitted. "When viewed separately," the committee's report said, "each of these contacts might be considered secondary; however, taken cumulatively, they reach the level of a major violation."

In testimony before the committee, representatives of the university, as well as former members of the football staff, including the former head coach, characterized the violations as "inappropriate pushing of the rules to their limits," or attempts to be inappropriately "creative." A former assistant football coach testified, "the former head coach had the attitude that he was not traveling to the high school of a prospect without encountering that prospect."

One former assistant football coach said he had "compromised" his integrity by "simply going along with the culture that was out there."

In its public report, the committee said it was taking "this opportunity to send an unequivocal message that the custom of 'bumping' prospects during non-contact periods is a violation of NCAA rules no matter how widespread the practice, and coaches who continue to do so will be held accountable for their actions."

Although the former head coach characterized the encounters as "inadvertent" since often times the high-school coach initiated them, the committee found that, "there was little indication of any attempt to discourage such contacts from occurring."

The committee report went on to say that the former head coach wanted to be seen by the prospect. "He recognized his celebrity status during visits to prospects' high schools and that his presence conveyed his special interest in the prospect," the report said.

That kind of practice does sound a bit familiar, doesn't it? As another former resident of south Florida once said, I think somebody's got some 'splainin' to do.

UPDATE: Forty-eight hours later, newspaper employees who've read blogs and message boards realize what they missed the first time. Advantage: FTB!

Sometimes It's Just Too Easy

Red, meet Neck. Again:

As early as mid-January, the Witts knew their second child was a boy, and they knew his name would be Saban.

That's right, Saban Hardin Witt, who was born Tuesday at about 5 p.m. in Decatur General Hospital, is named after Alabama head football coach Nick Saban.
...

The Witts of Hartselle named their first child, who is 23 months old, Tyde Timothy Witt. He's already attended several Alabama football games.

No mention whatsoever of either of the "Witts" ever having attended a single class at UAT, much less graduating, of course.

Sidewalk alums naming their kids after a football team (misspelling it along the way) and a coach who hasn't even had a spring game yet. Like I said, sometimes it's just too easy.

Today On "As The Pig Squeals..."

The latest casualty in Arkansas' ongoing soap opera: Athletic Director For Life (or so we'd all thought) Frank Broyles, who's apparently set to announce his resignation/retirement any day now.

On the one hand, if I were a Hog fan, I'd be inclined to think Broyles stuck around about ten years too long, and at the very least things ought to be less tumultuous with someone else in charge. On the other, there's about to be a power struggle of epic proportions over yonder in the Ozarks, and somebody--likely many somebodies--are not going to be satisfied with the eventual outcome.

Either way, I'm making some popcorn. It oughta be fun to watch.

Messy Divorce In Fayetteville

Over the last nine seasons, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette assistant managing sports editor Wally Hall has been as big of a cheerleader for Arkansas coach Houston Nutt as Nutt himself has been for his own team--and given Nutt's over-the-top sideline proclivities, that's really saying something. Come hell, high water, losing seasons, sniffing around other jobs and general restlessness on the part of the Arkie fan base, you could always count on Wally to come to Nutt's defense, usually including creative (to say nothing of outright fictional) cheap shots at other SEC teams and coaches along the way.

That long and happy marriage between head coach and local homer appears to be way, way over. Wally's column today is one of the more brutal lambastings of a coach and football program you're ever likely to read. A quick sample:

So, it was not Houston Nutt’s fault that his latest recruiting class ranked No. 9 in the SEC.

According to him, it was the media’s fault.

Well, no one in the media was continuously rude to Gus Malzahn.

No one in the media promised Malzahn and every Razorbacks fan that there would be a passing game.

No one in the media overruled Malzahn’s play calling.

No one in the media tried to hire David Lee as co-offensive coordinator behind Malzahn’s back (after a 10-victory season ).

No one in the media had anything to do with Malzahn’s decision to quietly leave the UA, take a cut in pay and go to a smaller school.

... and on and on and on, for some length. Check out the rest, if you're interested. Suffice to say, Wally has placed himself firmly on the side of Gus Malzahn and the Springdale Brat Pack in Arkansas' current civil war.

Nutt wasn't about to take all of that lying down, and called in to a local Arkansas radio show this morning to refute Hall's column--while Wally himself was apparently in the studio with the hosts. As far as I can tell, Wally didn't say a word of substance while Nutt was on the air. Once Nutt hung up, Wally muttered, "I stand by what I wrote," but didn't try to debate a single point while Nutt was on the line.

Not much fun for Arkansas fans, I'm sure... but for the rest of us, this is as entertaining as a Three Stooges marathon with no Shemps.

Forget The Press, Worry About The Orgeron

If I were Alabama Coach Nick "I am not going to be the Alabama coach" Saban, I wouldn't worry about sending out whiny press releases regarding the now-infamous "coonass" recording. I'd be worried about what's going to happen the next time I run into this guy:


When asked for comment on Saban, proud Cajun Ed Orgeron ripped his shirt off and replied, "YAW YAW YAW YAW YAW YAW YAW YAW--DEAD MEAT!"

What In The Wide, Wide World Of Sports Is Goin' On Here?

The No Fun League lives up to its name once again:

Die-hard football fans attending the Super Bowl game at Dolphin Stadium are getting a rude awakening after finding out that no tailgating of any type will be allowed on game day within one mile of the stadium.

"There is no tailgating allowed in the Dolphin Stadium parking lots," Sue Jaquez, a member of the Super Bowl XLI Host Committee, confirmed on Tuesday. "And there is no tailgating anywhere within a one-mile radius of the stadium." "And there are no RVs allowed."
...

The Dolphins do not organize and oversee the Super Bowl, Jaquez pointed out. Instead, those duties are left up to NFL officials. And because of security reasons, no pre-game partying on (or very near) the premises will take place. Fans spotted tailgating could face charges, Jaquez said.

Pathetic.

Mustain to Megadeth--uh, I mean, Tulsa

Thought the Arkansas soap operas were over? Think again:

Mike Irwin has learned Mitch Mustain is leaving the University of Arkansas. Independent sources confirm that Mitch is moving out of the Athletic Dorms this afternoon and won't be attending the University of Arkansas this spring. This comes after yesterday's announcement that UA Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn is leaving for the University of Tulsa.

Yeah, I think that'll get some attention in Pigville. Brace yourselves for a full-on Wally Hall jihad tomorrow morning.

Seriously though, Swine people, you are better off over the long term without the Springdale Brat Pack. It would have done your program no good whatsoever to tie your fortunes to that bunch of overgrown little leaguers--and I include the parents and coach in that description. You've had some good reasons to be mad at Houston Nutt over the years, but this ain't one of them.

Frank Broyles, well, that's another story.

Dennis Dodd And My Sister's Dog

Several years back, a pre-season game picking contest ran ads in magazines with the tag line, "So, you think you know more about college football than Lee Corso?" As I glanced at the grinning mug of that miserable coaching failure, the first thing that popped into my head was, "Actually, I'm pretty sure my sister's dog knows more about college football than Lee Corso."

And thus, the My Sister's Dog Award, given as necessary to sports mediots, was born. Today's winner is CBS Sportsline.com's Dennis Dodd. Dodd's online columns are easy pickings for mockery under normal circumstances, but Monday's pre-pre-preseason Top 25 is a real gem:

12. Auburn: Trips to Arkansas and Florida keep the Tigers from the top 10 and the SEC title. Have faith in the defense and in Carl Stewart to replace tailback David Irons.

It's not often that you see a national writer, working for a major network and presumably with at least one editor, make not one but two major goofs of fact in the same sentence.

Memo to Dodd: Carl Stewart is a fullback (and a darn good one). Not a cornerback, which was David Irons' position last season. Nor a tailback, which means he won't be replacing Kenny Irons in the offensive backfield; that duty falls to Brad Lester, who led the Tigers in touchdowns in 2006. You can look it up--if you could be bothered to check facts, that is.

(Just for the record, I don't have any beef with the actual ranking. Given AU's schedule and uncertain state on the offensive line, it's probably a bit generous.)

UPDATE: Either Dodd or his editor airbrushed in a correction (without noting it as such) on January 18.

This Looks Too Much Like Work

Check out this remarkable post from a Nebraska fan on Bill Callahan's fake-punt decision in the Cotton Bowl. No insult intended to Jeffie; it might be the most detailed psychological/mathematical analysis I've ever read of a single football play.

Good blog, too.

Hey, Hey, Hey!

I had completely forgotten about this. I guess Maw Mooah had, too:

The former high school football coach of a player [Michigan State] briefly recruited in 1999-2000 told a federal jury Tuesday that MSU was among five schools that offered him money to convince the recruit to come to its school.

Lynn Lang, the former head coach at Trezevant High School in Memphis, Tenn., listed MSU along with Tennessee, Mississippi, Memphis and Arkansas as universities that offered money for Albert Means, but never paid. He also listed Alabama, Kentucky and Georgia as schools that paid Lang money to tell his defensive lineman to attend their schools.

Now, who exactly was the head coach at Michigan State in 1999?

The article goes on to note how MSU strenuously denied any hanky-panky on their part. But, of course, UAT issued very similar statements all along the way, didn't they?

Say, Maw, did you forget a little of that 'due dilligence' you were talking about last month?

Credit Where It's Due

A self-described old timer on an Auburn message board posted the following this afternoon:

Having graduated from Auburn 41 years ago, I have the vantage of seeing things from a fairly broad view. (Which is just another way of saying I'm old as hell.)

Today's news out of T-Town is the greatest compliment Auburn has ever been paid during all my years of watching and caring. Because of their own ineptness, Bama has managed to marginalize their place in the hirarchy of major college football. While they've beat their chest and screamed about how they have one of the top coaching jobs in the country and repeatedly yelled about their vaunted tradition, the rest of the country has ignored their rantings and looked at what they've done on the football field.

And of course, he's dead-on. After all the blown smoke clears, all the UAT "brain trust" has done today is overpay by about double for a football coach. At long last, it's a tacit admission that all the blather about "tradishun" and "class" and every other tired cliche spouted out of Turdistan hasn't added up to a hill of beans on the football field over the last quarter century.

As Ivan Maisel notes this evening, going out and bribing a coach out of the NFL is a classic desperation ploy. It's an admission that the Alabama job just isn't attractive to anybody who values his job security or sanity. In the end, they had to go for this crazy Hail Mary because it's all they've got left. They've tried everything else. And they've done it because being cemented in the wake of a successful Auburn is driving them completely crazy.

The Saban contract is a monstrosity that will do a lot of damage to college football (there's already been talk of revoking the tax exemption for college athletics, and these ridiculous numbers will fuel that particular fire), but it is also at its most basic level a sincere and fundamental compliment to Auburn University.

This is the crimson polyester set's weird and wacky last effort to get out from under the Thumb. No more. No less.

Well, Isn't That Special?

Hey, mea culpa. I made the mistake of thinking Nick Saban wasn't a liar when he said, "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach." Bad on me, but I promise, it won't happen again.

So, what to make of it? Eh, not all that much. Once you get beyond the nadir of ridiculousness from delusional UAT fans and the in-state media in Alabama (please forgive the redundancy), you've got a decent college coach taking a job with a team that isn't all that good. The Turds have had one winning season out of the last five, and a quick glance at the depth chart, which drops off a good chunk of the defense to graduation, will tell you that they aren't liable to be much better in 2007 than they were in 2006.

Even given Saban's one magical season at LSU--when he still lost at home, and badly, to a weak Florida team--his overall record is a fairly pedestrian 91-42-1. Saban's LSU record of 48-16 is nearly identical to Terry Bowden's 47-17-1 at Auburn, and, of course, Saban comes in with a 2-3 mark against the Tigers. There's no doubt that he's a better coach than Mike Shula, but then again, my sister's dog is probably a better coach than Mike Shula. When you add in the fact that even lousy coaches like Shula, Bill Curry, and Mike DuBose all had at least one big year in Tuscaloosa, you have to expect that Saban will have one or two of his own somewhere down the line.

And if today is any indication, Saban will also have an in-state honeymoon to die for. While the national press is tearing Saban to shreds over the last duplicitous six weeks of denials (to say nothing of the gutless speakerphone call to his former assistants), the legions of desperate UAT fans and in-state media crowd (again, forgive the redundancy) are quite literally falling over themselves to lay hosannahs at the feet of the latest Savior. I'm not exaggerating at all when I tell you that these yahoos are treating Saban's arrival in Tuscaloosa as the Second Coming.

And you know, they're right about that. Just not in the way they think.

Nick Saban is the second coming--of Ray Perkins.

Both were NFL failures who got bailed out of losing jobs by an unexpected offer from UAT, but more importantly, both are arrogant, thin-skinned jerks whom nobody can stand to work with for very long. Both lied early and often about pursuing other jobs (Perkins blasted ESPN as "unprofessional" for reporting he was leaving UAT for Tampa, only a week before he did just that). Like Perkins, Saban will probably recruit well (if all those spoiled trust fund babies on the UAT board are willing to pony up $32 million to bribe in a coach, just think what they're paying for recruits by now), he'll probably have at least a couple of solid years.

He'll also alienate everybody around him, eventually including the Alabama press yahoos who're doing a fine Monica Lewinsky impression today. Last but certainly not least, he'll become increasingly frustrated with a disfunctional athletic program that neither he nor anyone else can actually control, and he'll probably be gone much sooner than anybody expects today.

But hey, he'll be the toast of the town for about another 11 months. Enjoy it, Nicky. The honeymoon ends on November 24, in a stadium where you've never won a football game. We call it Jordan-Hare. You already know it as Hell.

The Great Cornbowlio

I've never much cared for Nebraska.

In the '80's, the Cornhuskers played a big role in creating the current media-darling "powerhouse" mold: play in a weak conference, run up the score on outmanned opponents, only play one or two real games a year, and rack up the accolades from a press corps that only sees the box scores (or today, ESPN highlights) from most games. Sure, there were occasions when Nebraska was every bit as good as their billing--just ask Steve Spurrier--but there were at least as many years when the Children of the Corn were exposed as ridiculously overrated during bowl season. Like, say, 1983.

Besides all that, Nebraska has been an Auburn "bugaboo team" for way too long. Everybody has those bugaboo teams that they can't ever seem to beat: since the 80's, Georgia can't beat Florida. FSU hardly ever beats Miami. Alabama can't beat Texas (or Auburn, lately), and prior to yesterday, Auburn had never beaten Nebraska.

Suffice to say, I was not unhappy with Monday's outcome in the Cotton Bowl. It won't be recalled as a thing of beauty, but any win on New Year's Day is a good one, and a win over a bugaboo team is better still.

The early part of the game really did look like same song, different verse for Auburn as Nebraska unloaded a gangbuster first quarter. I'd had a bad feeling about the game going in, and that first NU scoring drive didn't do much to improve my mood. Fortunately, AU's defensive effort went up a notch after that score, and not unlike in the Florida game, several notches further in the second half. The secondary turned in a bravura performance after the poor first series, with David Irons in particular putting the lie to Tom Dienhart's sneer of last week ("Aubie can't cover").

This last game meant plenty to both of the Irons brothers. David had a great day, tipping up the ball for Karibi Dede's big interception in the first half and swatting away one third-and-long pass after another in the second. Kenny never got the big run we'd all been looking for since the early season, but he was still tough enough to get the critical yardage Auburn needed, and he did it against a very big defensive front without much help from an ineffective AU offensive line.

Auburn's overall offensive performance has taken a beating in the post-game coverage, and with good reason. A net gain of 178 total yards is not going to go down as a memorable day. Even so, after a terrible first half, and again echoing the Florida win, Brandon Cox and his offense did what they had to in the last two quarters, holding the ball, moving the chains, and keeping the other guys on the bench. It was especially heartening to see senior Courtney Tayor having the kind of game he hasn't had much over the last couple of seasons. Going out as AU's all-time receptions leader is one hell of an accomplishment for a "project" recruit who was snatched out from under UAT's trunk five springs ago.

The biggest drive of the game has hardly been remarked upon in the postgame coverage, but when the Tigers drove the ball off its own one-inch line to well past midfield late in the third quarter, the game was as good as in-hand. That extra breathing room turned out to be all a rejuvinated defense needed to shut down the Cornhuskers for the duration.

Nebraska was an interesting team to watch. They were as big and strong as advertised up front, but I thought they got visibly tired in the second half on both sides of the line. Quarterback Zac Taylor was great for most of the game, but like almost every other signal caller out there, he wasn't able to do nearly as much once the pass rush got heavy, and NU's running game lost its spark as Auburn started to dominate the front line in the second half. Bill Callahan's play-calling reminded me a little of Tommy Tuberville's early years at Auburn; he was trying to do too much a lot of the time. "Cute" calls like the botched fake punt cost you a lot more often than they pay off, especially in big games. Still, Nebraska had a solid game plan, and they were obviously ready to play at kickoff, and neither of which could be said about Auburn when the game started.

Going beyond the two teams on the field, it's hard to figure out which was worse, the Fox network broadcast of the game, or the Big 11 officiating.

I'm almost never bored enough to watch the No Fun League on television, but if Fox's NFL coverage is anywhere near as awful as Monday's bowl telecast, they ought to just run Simpsons marathons instead of football on Sundays. If Pat Summerall is a "legend," I'd hate to have to listen to a "washed-up empty suit." Neither Summerall nor his colorless color guy (I'm not even going to bother looking up his name) did any homework before the game, and neither knew much of anything about either team. The camerawork was lousy, and the sound was embarassingly bad, with random yaw-yaws from a coach too close to a microphone popping in at odd moments.

And don't even get me started on the televised replays--or rather, the lack therof, particularly in the case of Cox's late fumble, which wasn't replayed even once. Fox must have had their fifth-string director in the trailer for this one; after the mis-called Lee Guess touchdown play, the network bizarrely popped up a shot of fans eating pizza instead of a replay (although they did show the play plenty of times after it didn't matter any more). A bush-league performance all around; Fox has a very long way to go before they can get up to the rather bad level of CBS's SEC coverage. It was that bad; call it JP in HD.

I'm tempted to think that the less said about the Big 11 referees, the better, but next time we need an third-conference crew, let's go with the Mountain West, or maybe the Big South or a decent high school division. Described as an "all-star" squad by Summerall, the Big 11 crew did what I didn't think was possible, making SEC officiating look pretty good by comparison. It was obvious by the second quarter that holding and blocking in the back aren't actually penalties in the Midwest, and if anybody can explain how you don't review Guess's miscalled touchdown but do review the spot of a ball at the end of the game (the one and only time I've ever seen or even heard of such a review), please drop me a line.

Ah, well. As stated before, any win on New Year's Day is a good one. More on the team that's past and the team to come later.

Turdistan Held Hostage: Day 25

Another delusion bites the dust:

Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban issued a specific denial regarding the University of Alabama's vacant head coaching position, saying for the first time on Thursday: "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach."

This was the strongest of the five denials Saban has given reporters in Miami. Saban had been at the top of Alabama's wish list to fill the opening created on Nov. 26 when Mike Shula was fired.

Our top-secret source in Tuscaloosa indicates that AD Maw Mooah is planning to move to a secure undisclosed location well before tomorrow's Festivus Airing of Grievances gets underway.

Separated At Birth 2: Judgment Day

What two things do Quentin Groves and The Terminator have in common?


Number one: They kill people.


Number two: They'll be back.

In related news, UAT quarterback John Wilson is missing, and presumed scared.