Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Doing My Part To Help Jim Delaney

The Big Tweleven announced the names of its new divisions yesterday, and the response has been overwhelming--overwhelmingly negative, that is.  In what will certainly be cited as the canonical example of decisions-by-committee, the original Conference That Can't Count came up with "Legends" and "Leaders" as their divisional names.

Please, hold your applause.

The best zinger, of course, came from Orson Spencer Swindle Hall Mellencamp at EDSBS, who tweeted, "Leaders and Legends are the names of conference rooms at an airport Marriott."

Now, I've had my differences with the Big Ten's leadership in the past, but never let it be said that FTB isn't willing to help when a sister conference is in need. In the spirit of intercollegiate sportsmanship, I hereby offer, gratis, these suggestions for replacement divisional names for the Big Innumerate Conference:

New Big Ten Divisions:

Snow and Ice
Overrated and Irrelevant
Big and Slow
Lose To SEC and Lose To Pac-10
ESPN and ABC
Mackovic and Corso
Also-ran and Never-was
Can't Count and Won't Win

No, really, Jim. Thanks aren't necessary. It was nothing.

2 comments:

1982and1989 said...

Leggings and Leederhosen

mwdeav said...

Snooty and Tooty.

However, I would suggest re-aligning the divisions as follows:

Basketball Division:
Indiana
Illinois
Michigan State
Minnesota
Purdue
Northwestern

Football Division:
Ohio State
Michigan
Wisconsin
Nebraska
Iowa
Penn State

We all know the BigTen doesn't really want to risk their undefeated OSU/MICH/PSU/WISC/NEB team losing their new farce of a championship game, so why not?

P.S. If Greg Robinson is still the DC at Michigan in September, swap them to the Basketball division for Northwestern.